Neve, Nick and hedgehogs
One year since a bright light went out
A reminder of Neve - for those who remember this the first time around.
A few years ago I was asked to photograph a party in Oxford. I have done a few of these and it is a real pleasure to spend time with people having so much fun - capturing the joy of friends, family and dancing. On this occasion one of the little sisters, who was not centre of attention, became my buddy. Her name was Neve and apart from being a bright spark she also loved hedgehogs. I have photos from the night - sparky-eyed and sugar-filled - to almost asleep on her father’s shoulders.
Move forward a few months and I saw her mother, Emily, walking through the park behind my house - she told me the tragic news that Neve had been diagnosed with a brain tumour - and that at any moment a seizure could bring her life to an end. We hugged goodbye, and I said I would bring round my largest and favourite hedgehog in the morning (I have, as you might imagine, quite a few!) And then, as I turned, I started to sob.
Operations and treatment could not halt the tumour, but she kept rallying - kept surprising the staff at the amazing Helen & Douglas House.
As covid restrictions began to ease - and obviously great care had to be taken around Neve - I got a few chances to see her and talk about hedgehogs. I took in my taxidermy specimen so she could feel hedgehog spines. I took in story books to read to her. I took in more cuddly hedgehogs to add to her collection of soft toys.
I was amazed at the strength of Emily and her family. They have received the most wonderful support from the community - WhatsApp groups for shopping, drug supplies etc. And the nurses who came to be such a large part of Neve’s life - well - there was one in particular, Francesca. In a bizarre coincidence I had already been supporting her as she did an amazing cycle ride around all 54 children’s hospices in the UK, covering 3,200 miles in 70 days, raising over £87,000 for Together for Short Lives, a children’s palliative care charity which splits funding between the UK’s hospices.
Francesca is an angel. Watching her give love and care to Neve, left me astounded. Every visit I did - and they were never very long, an hour or so, left me so drained. I know that training would help - but it is an under-appreciated part of the work of carers like her - being able to carry the emotional burden that comes from caring with love.
On one visit I arranged a surprise. Nick Cope is a friend - he has spent years making thousands of children happy singing songs in church halls and community centres - until his overnight success and the launch of the best thing on TV - Nick Cope’s Popcasts!
A while back he did a song all about a hedgehog called …. Hugh!! I asked whether he had any other hedgehog songs on the way and he did - but it had not been released yet so he recorded it for Neve (top secret, we could not show anyone else) - and she loved it and in return recorded a message for Nick, showing off her hedgehog toys.
And now I can reveal the song - here it is - It is the perfect song for Hedgehog Awareness Week - it is easy to forget how the careless dropping of litter can impact the lives of others, people and wildlife. This is what is so great about Nick - he can tell sweet stories that make you smile, but they have a message too. Worth the licence fee on his own I reckon!
On our last meeting Neve was fascinated by my beard, and I had to lean very close to her so she could stroke it. And this afternoon (I am writing this on Tuesday night) we buried her. She died peacefully, surrounded by family, on Sunday evening. She was just 10, but had lit up the lives of so many people in those few years. Even when ill, her spark was so obvious. I will miss not being able to share more hedgehog adventures with that special little girl.
Her mother has been sharing her experiences on the most wonderful Substack - please visit and sign up to Emily’s page.
The day after she died I tried to read this poem from the amazing Rob Macfarlane and Jackie Morris to friends - managed the first six words before the tears came. It ends with:
‘Keeping on into deep space, past dying stars and exploding suns, to where at last, little astronaut, you sing your heart out to all dark matter.’
So please - please - share love with those when you can. And try and reach that love out beyond us, to the world that we share - with hedgehogs and so much more.
We should always talk to, and about, those we have lost.
I remember this from last year, I had to fight back a tear (well several actually) in the office at the time. In fact, having just read a couple of your books I recalled her just a week or so ago, but hadn't realised the anniversary was so close.